I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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