yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize