Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
