Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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