My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The Olympian is in my bed
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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