I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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