I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
