Redeem this text for a blowjob
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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