There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He better not be in your backpack
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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