I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This house was built for laser tag.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
