my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
