yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
