After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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