you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
