did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
