i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
