I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
