whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
