dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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