Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
