Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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