Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
