but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
