my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
