he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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