evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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