had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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