i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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