my mouth tastes like poor choices
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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