So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
