there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
