Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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