Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
