just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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