I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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