youre lurking in front of me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
