So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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