ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
