p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
