The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
