either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
