when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
