so explain again why im purple
no
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
