do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
