when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize