i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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