He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
