he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
