dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
