Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
