That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
