You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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